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As staggering losses among automaker continue, they have announced that they would accept anything which is sold by Americans in their garage sales. Henry Boskhar, the CEO, of one of the major automakers announced that this idea is a win-win situation. Americans not only get rid of their junk but also go home with a new car.

Mary and Joe Beraski who were planning on a garage sale this Sunday changed their minds and loaded everything to take to the nearest dealership. Mary said “we are so pleased that they took everything even my black and white TV”.  She added, “we were a little short for a satellite radio in our new car but the salesman told me go back home and look again for any old bicycle, old fruit cake or even any expired over the counter drugs.”  ”Luckily, I found some old laxatives and we got our satellite radio yeahhhhh”.

On the political front, Sen. McCain blamed the defeat of the party on Brad Pitt. “If only Brad would have been in some campaign rallies carrying Sarah Palin’s kids, we would not be in this situation my friends”. Ironically, Brad Pitt is planning to market his own workout video titled “How to Be in Shape at 45 Using your Babies.”

News not to be taken seriously. For amusement only. Cspanknews uses names of individuals in all its stories that are invented and made up, Except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental.

After the market sustained its biggest drop last week, the Fed was forced to act fast to calm the nerves of Wall Street. In a long meeting, finally the Fed and the Treasury Department decided to use their authority and tap into children’s Piggy Banks.

Families with kids between the ages of 5 to 12 are in a peculiar position. All Piggy Banks for children between those ages must be turned in. Piggy Bank collection is going to take some time and this will give parents a while to vent, talk to their children and clear their heads, “says Fed Chief Bernanke”. He added, “we estimate more than $400 million dollars to be in the Piggy Banks which these little brats had put away to buy stuff that is not necessary considering the ongoing credit crisis”.

Under the proposed plan, the kids will receive their money back in 30-years with at an annual interest rate of 1.99% percent plus $250 dollars tax credit when they reach the age of sixty.

We spoke with Maria one the parents of little Fredie and Mike. Maria whose two small kids have about $350 dollars in their Piggy Banks says, “this is absurd, little Fredie has been through enough already since all he was hearing last month was about the government taking him over”. “How should he know that the news was about Freddie Mac”. We were unable to talk to her husband Mario, as he just walked away angrily cussing at us in Spanish.

There are many parents and children who are traveling out of the country. Airport lines are very long with parents and kids holding on to their Piggy Banks before the law goes into effect. The Fed may soon add additional custom agents or transfer some from the Drug Enforcement Division in order to intensify the search for Piggy Banks.

Officer Maradona told our reporter that soon the penalty for confiscated Piggy Banks may be the same as drugs entering or leaving the country.

Democrats in the senate agreed with the plan but insist that the empty and broken Piggy Banks must be recycled.

News not to be taken seriously. For amusement only. Cspanknews uses names of individuals in all its stories that are invented and made up, Except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental.

In an extraordinary and risky move of bailing out 7-Eleven, the store owners remain unconvinced that the move will actually work.

In a 30-seconds speech at the Rose Garden, President Bush praised the plan by saying that there is no way that we would inconvenient our fellow citizens by allowing the convenient stores to shut down. In fact, I am not taking any questions because I am on my way to grab a cup of coffee and a beef jerky to show my support.

Presidential hopeful Barak Obama responded to President Bush’s comments by reminding everyone that he was the one who eased the gas prices by suggesting that the tire pressure on your car and periodic tune ups will save Americans an enormous amount of gas. In this case, we all know that there a is liquidity problem. Therefore, I urge American people to purchase more liquid products, such as soft drinks, coffee, juice and whatever else that is liquid.

Governor Palin is not a fan of the bailout. In an interview with Cspanknews, she suggested that we must select the 7-Eleven locations which also sell gas and simply start drilling.

Fed Chairman Bernanke and Hank Paulson the Secretary of Treasury agree with Soman Kiran Chopra one of the owners of 7-Eleven. They recommend that we turn a portion of 7-Eleven stores to Banks since most stores already have an ATM machine in place. This plan will be identical to what we did with Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs. As part of the plan and to protect the tax payers, all sandwiches and other products with expired dates will be shipped to Federal prisons and be fed to inmates.

Paulson reiterated that this plan must be approved by Friday before having this spread to other stores especially the Korean Stores in New York City

News not to be taken seriously. For amusement only. Cspanknews uses names of individuals in all its stories that are invented and made up, Except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental.